KNOW YOUR ENEMY: THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT MANAGERS ASSOCIATION

If you want a career in Western Australian local government, it pays big dividends to join the LGMA (WA)

This organisation is the state division of a nationwide network, the LGMA. 

It describes itself as ‘the peak representative body and leading voice for local government professionals in Western Australia’ and ‘a community of professionals working to shape the local government sector’.

Like other ‘professional’ associations, only more so, it is really a trade union, aiming primarily—you might think exclusively—to ‘shape’ (in the sense of ‘inflate’) the salaries, emoluments, perquisites and career opportunities of local government bureaucrats. 

In this respect, it has enjoyed outstanding success, to the overall detriment of ratepayers in most if not all of our cities, towns and shires.

When speaking of blue-collar trade unions like the CFMEU or MUA, we wouldn’t hesitate to use the phrase ‘feather-bedding’ to sum up the nature of the LGMA’s services to its 800 members in WA.

Because LGMA is a white-collar union, we are bound to treat it with the same degree of indulgence as traditionally the legal system has extended to white-collar crime.

I wonder how much influence the association had on the drafting of provisions in the Local Government Act which exempt local government employees from direct public questioning and criticism—turning them, in effect, into a protected species.

 Signs of the times

If you study the association’s website (http://www.lgmawa.org.au/) you will find scant indication that its members are employed to provide services to the ratepayers and residents of the local government areas where they work.

What you will find is the curious slogan ‘Without fear or favour’ and a drawing of a signpost with four arms bearing respectively the words ‘Ethics, Respect, Integrity, Honesty’, all pointing in different directions. 

I’m not sure what we are expected to make of that.  It appears that members may choose any one of those directions, or none of them, as they set out on the golden road to ratepayer-funded prosperity. 

You will also discover that the association has 11 regionally based branches and offers professional development ‘events’ including one entitled ‘Ignite Programs’—presumably relating to the burning of heretics wanting to add a fifth arm to the signpost, one inscribed with the word ‘Transparency’.

‘Networks’

Members can opt to join one or more of 9 national networks, with names like ‘Governance’, ‘Human Resources and Workforce Development’, ‘Age Friendly Communities’, and my favourite, ‘Integrated Planners’.  I bet there are hundreds of integrated planners, each one employed by a local government, busily networking away across Australia, though I’m not sure what an integrated planner is or does or how anyone gets to be one.

It goes without saying that the association enjoys a cosy relationship with the other state members of the local government club, WALGA and the presiding geniuses of the DLGC.  They share activities and preoccupations, and their representatives enjoy the hospitality of one another’s annual talkfests. 

I’m reminded of Adam Smith’s famous observation that ‘People of the same trade seldom meet together, even for merriment and diversion, but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against the public, or in some contrivance to raise prices’.

Awards

The association likes to award certificates of appreciation to members who have distinguished themselves in some way, for example by having paid their dues on the nail over a very long period of time.

Last year, while he was drawing a salary as Acting CEO of the Shire of York, Graeme Simpson received such an award.  Readers may recall that he was a fellow of the association (FLGMA)—a privilege for which he would have had to pay a bit more than if he had remained a mere member (MLGMA).  

Here’s a photo of him clutching his certificate. 

Graeme is the one on the right.  I don't know who his friend is.

And here’s the accompanying citation.  (I have left the stale cliches, awkward phrasing, questionable grammar, eccentric punctuation and wonky syntax exactly as I found them, while rearranging the paragraphing to make the citation easier to read.)

Graeme Simpson, is currently the Acting Chief Executive Officer at the Shire of York.
However, this hasn’t been his only tough job in recent years.  

  

Becoming a Fellow of LGMA in 1999, Graeme has had a long and successful career in local government.  

But retirement, hasn’t stopped him coming back for more, having taken on a number of difficult temporary or stop-gap postings, in the Shire of Lake Grace, and the Shire of Boddington and now at the Shire of York. 

Graeme has been a steady hand in difficult times, his experience invaluable.  

On these occasions, Graeme’s first thought is to ensure that the local government officers working under him have the support they need to do their jobs.  

His quiet, affable nature, and firm approach to leadership is remembered by all who know him.  

York people may be surprised to learn that the LGMA considers York to have been a tough assignment for Mr. Simpson.  If it was tough, that was because he and his companion in arms Commissioner James Best made it so.

They will be less surprised to learn that Mr. Simpson’s ‘first thought’ was not, as it should have been, for the welfare of the shire’s ratepayers and residents, but instead to support the Shire workforce—regardless of how well or badly they were performing.

Remember his kneejerk defence as Acting CEO of his ‘exemplary employees’—some of whom, later subjected to wiser scrutiny, are now seeking their fortunes elsewhere?

 *******

POETRY CORNER

The Ballad of Grababyt Swansong

Have you heard about Grababyt Swansong?

He was Acting CEO

Of the Shire of Outer Mongolia

Not so many moons ago,

And most of the people who live in the shire

Wept buckets to see him go.

He’d held that exalted position

In several shires before:

Those postings were tough, rough and difficult,

But he kept coming back for more,

Relying on a pittance—about four grand a week—

To banish the wolf from his door.

As kingpin of Outer Mongolia

He teamed up with Jimmy the Rat,

Who conjured grotesque ‘ideations’

From the depths of his ‘visioning’ hat,

Convinced, so it seemed, that the ratepayers

Would be happy to fork out for that.

His ‘quiet and affable nature’

He hid from the popular view,

But he kept a firm hand on the tiller

And always supported his crew:

Propping them up was priority one

When brickbats from ratepayers flew,

For the Shire was an unsafe workplace,

The most hazardous under the sun.

Every day came a fresh nervous breakdown,

Not a day would go by but someone—

Feeling threatened by truths that popped up on the blogs—

Reached for pills, poison, rope or a gun.

He wasn’t as smarmy as Jimmy,

He didn’t suck up to the nobs

Like Lord and Lady Ecstasy

And other establishment snobs,

But he’d hold up two fingers like chopsticks

At the sight of us yokels and yobs.

So here’s to old Grababyt Swansong!

Long may he prosper and thrive!

He’s one of the world’s great survivors,

He knows how to duck, weave and dive:

There’s hope for us peasants out here in the sticks

While fellows like him are alive!

© Norah, Lady Rapture of Favorsdone Hall